CIVIL REVOLUTION: SPEAK WITH LOVE

I think most would agree that anxiety is at an all-time high in America. We are battling wars on multiple fronts – a worldwide pandemic with no known expiration date; multitudes of people sick, hospitalized, and dying; a historical unemployment rate that has wreaked havoc on the economy; and divisions of every kind tearing apart the very fabric of our nation. One of underlying causes of this anxiety was predicted by John Stott back in 1982: “It is difficult to imagine the world in the year A.D. 2000, by which time versatile micro-processors are likely to be as common as simple calculators… Much less welcome will be the probable reduction of human contact as the new electronic network renders personal relationships ever less necessary.” 

In these days of social distancing/isolation, we are seeing just how necessary those personal relationships are. Be honest. Do you regularly find yourself fretting over a myriad of things on any given day? Do you wake up in the middle of the night with your mind swirling? Do shortness of breath and palpitations of the heart hit simultaneously as these thoughts overwhelm you? If yes, you’re not alone. For many, it’s become a normal way of life in America:

Modern society – despite its nearly miraculous advances in medicine, science, and technology – is afflicted with some of the highest rates of depression, schizophrenia, poor health, anxiety, and chronic loneliness in American history… The epidemic of anxiety is not just a mental health issue, but it is also cultural pathology. Our way of life promotes anxiety and its consequences.  Anxiety makes us fearful.  It makes us irritable and therefore easily – and excessively – prone to anger.  Fear and anger are powerful antagonists to reason and reflection.  They grab us by our primitive brain and urge us to “fight, flee or freeze.”  News media, social media and political leaders command our attention with outrage and alarm. The media’s daily reminders to be very afraid and politicians’ apocalyptic rhetoric reverberate throughout the Internet, keeping our anxiety at a constant high level.  Today’s drumbeat of anxiety is so effective that 76 percent of Americans say they fear political violence.*

“The tongue has the power of life and death.”** So how can we lessen the amount of vitriol slung back and forth? We must seek to use our words to speak out for those who have no voice, for those who are suffering in silence. We must diligently seek to follow this wisdom: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”*** Is there anything more antithetical to this than today’s Twitter wars? Don’t be so quick to shoot off that email, text, or social media post. In fact, stop using those as your primary tools to communicate when you are dealing with emotionally charged issues. Face-to-face is best. Second best is a phone call. Then move on to an email or text. Too much is being said in broad public forums before communicating with individuals privately.

We must stop and ask ourselves if we are helping defuse a situation, de-escalation, in an effort to bring change or dumping gas on the fire in hopes that it helps satisfy our anger. Love is a commitment of the will to the true good of the other person. “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”****

One day a woman confessed to St. Philip Neri that she had been gossiping to others about one of her neighbors. Philip told her to go into town and buy a chicken. On her way home he asked her to pluck the chicken as she walked along the road and then bring it to him. She did as she requested and soon arrived with a plucked chicken. St. Philip said to her, “now go back and pick up all the feathers.” Aghast, she responded, “oh, but father, that is impossible. The wind is scattered them in every direction, and there is no way for me to get them all back.”“Quite true,” said St. Philip. “Just like to feathers, your words of gossip have been spread far and wide and there is no way for you to take them all back. In the future, think carefully before you speak about any person.”^

No matter how justified your anger may be, the petrol approach leads to burning embers and further divides – for “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”^^ The middle finger emoji may help us express our anger, but it will not bring about any lasting, positive change. The better way is this: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”^^^ 

Look for the positive in your ‘opponent’ and let them know what you see: “Speak well of them. If there be anything in them that is commendable and praiseworthy, take notice of it, and mention it to their honor” (Matthew Henry).

Before any correction ensues, we must check our attitudes at the door. Are we looking at our neighbor as God’s image-bearers? Are we truly grateful they are on this planet, or do we wish they would just vanish? We won’t be able to hide our true feelings very long. In this process, we must never humiliate or demean our neighbors in any way. Rather, we must pray for the Golden Rule to guide our correction and conversation – “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”* We are called to speak the truth in love so that, in the end, our hearers are built up. Would we want to be spoken to in the same manner we speak to others? If not, we must rethink our approach before proceeding! Do not sacrifice potential harmony on the altar of your anger – even if the anger is justified. The right word at the right time with the right attitude makes all the difference in the world. “The right word is like a drug”** because it diminishes pain and fosters health. Or as Augustine stated, “The thread of our speech comes alive through the very joy we take in what we are speaking about.”***

Yet, as we seek to speak the truth in love to our neighbors, it is essential to remember that love is tough and tender. There are times when the truth is hard to hear and other times when it needs to be accompanied by a forgiving embrace. “Friends love at all times,” and especially “during adversity.”**** But not only do true friends encourage and affirm one another, they also offer critiques that may sting for a moment but provide help for a lifetime, “the faithful wounds of a friend.”^ “As Tim Keller has said: ‘Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it.’ Both are selfish. Or as John Newton once said of reproof: ‘Our natural temptation is to say what we should not say, or to not say what we should say. One is cruel arrogance, the other cruel cowardice, and neither is love.’”^^

The key to promoting change that benefits our society as a whole is balancing truth and love – which is why all of us should be “slow to speak” – especially when our emotions are heightened and we are communicating with those who don’t get it. For “a person finds joy in giving an apt reply—and how good is a timely word!”^^^ Our listeners will be more inclined to hear us if they believe we are thankful for them. Then we will break down the barriers. As Coach John Wooden exhibited throughout his life, “I never wanted to embarrass or humiliate. The purpose of criticism or discipline is to correct, enhance, educate, modify behavior, or bring about positive change. It takes great skill to do so without incurring ill feelings, animosity, anger, or even hatred.” Wendell Berry shares a foundational key to that becoming a reality: “You have to be able to imagine lives that are not yours,”^^^^ and use the power of the spoken word to speak for those who have no voice and are often suffering in silence.

Video: The Power of Words 

 Music: Speak Life 

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*Sebastian Junger, Tribe, New York, NY: Hachette Books, 2016, 18. Renee Garfinkel, “Over-anxious Americans,” https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2017/jun/26/america-anxiety-disorder/, accessed 8/22/17

**Proverbs 18:21

***James 1:19

****Proverbs 12:18

^Bill K. Thierfelder, Less than a Minute to Go, Gastonia, NC: St. Benedict Press, 2013, 40

^^Proverbs 15:1

^^^Ephesians 4:29

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*Luke 6:31 

**Amanda Knoke in Sam Crabtree, Practicing Affirmation, Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2011, 146.

***Augustine in The Legacy of Sovereign Joy, John Piper, Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2000

****cf. Proverbs 17:17

^cf. Proverbs 27:5-6

^^Tony Reinke, “Speaking the Truth in Love,” https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/speaking-the-truth-in-love, accessed 10/3/2017

^^^Proverbs 15:23

^^^^Wendell Berry in Tattoos on the Heart, Father Greg Boyle, Detroit, MI: Free Press, 2011, Kindle – location 992